Category Archives: Relationships

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

Next On The Topic Of Spending Thinking About Peter Pan Quotes….

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I’ve always wanted to believe in magic. In the fairy tales, the happy endings – the idea that dreams really do come true. I wanted to believe that fairies exist, miracles happen, romantic comedies aren’t too far off from real life, and dragons can actually be defeated by a single knight with a sword and shield.

Wanted to believe so strongly, in fact, that I made it my goal, my life mission statement, if you will. It was my intention to bring magic back into the lives of people. I wanted them to be able to look at me and see freedom, see a kind of joy they stopped having faith in when they grew up, and know that it exists. I wanted to follow Peter Pan’s example – to never grow up, not fully, and embrace wonderment like a child. To be like one of the Lost Boys in Hook, teaching Robin Williams how to play and have fun and to break out of the corporate prison he threw himself into. I wanted to live life like a song, to be passionate and daring and full of curiosity, because I knew that magic and goodness existed, and I had completely dedicated myself to be apart of it.

Continue reading Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

Can I Have Some Standards Please? 

What A Legitimate Relationship Should Look Like. 

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It’s quite possible that I’m writing this for the sole purpose of learning these things myself. Then again, I’ve recently had to listen to the details of one of my sister’s friend’s relationships. She’s a few years younger than me, and seeing this boy. They’re going on dates, seeing a lot of each other, and having sex. All of which, I might add, when he refuses to call her his girlfriend or say they’re in a relationship because you ‘don’t need to define these things and he’s nervous after what happened to him before.’ Last year at some point this girl stopped seeing him because he had been caught making out with a girl (or a couple), at the same time he had been having a thing with her. Now, of course, he’s quite obviously not committing to her so he can sleep around, and has even tried to get my sister to mess around.

Basically, he’s a prick. Unfortunately, this is an all too common situation. Young girls (and boys too), end up in terrible relationships because they either don’t know any better, or don’t believe they deserve any better. In my case, it was both.

I made a list before of warning signs to look out for in relationships, so I thought I might take the opposite angle here – signs of a good and healthy relationship.

Continue reading Can I Have Some Standards Please? 

Starting To Date Again 

After the unfortunate realities of abuse. 

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Oh, look guys. Bre’s got herself a man. Ever think this would happen only five months after breaking up with the last one and two months after realizing what he had been doing to me? No? Yeah, me neither. Thought it’d be at least ten years before I got over my fear of guys enough to actually start dating another one of them. Or perhaps more than years. Perhaps lifetimes. Let alone this guy being my coworker and roommate. Talk about high risk situations, right?

Anyway, it’s been two months since I sat sobbing with my mom after self-harming alone in the bathroom, and telling her the details of what I believed happened to me. It’s been seven weeks since I had a panic attack in the park, six since getting a counselor, five since breaking down in the middle of the grocery store, and one since going into the doctor (finally), and asking her what I need to do in terms of the medical side of things since going through all this. It’s exactly thirty-four days until the one year anniversary date of being raped for the first time. I probably spend too much of my time thinking about that, but that’s besides the point.

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Don’t Tell My Grandparents

But I May or May Not Have Been Drunk Last Night.

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I don’t know what it is, but the world has a wonderful way of giving you exactly what you need when you need it. Not always, but every so often when things are the absolute worst, you’re given not only what you need to make it through the day without dying, but instead receive everything you need to actually be happy. Because, you know, it’s been a rough week.

Anyways, last night I got to experience a different side of Nakuspian culture. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with the folks my grandparents tend to hang out with, but if you remember from by previous post, they tend to be the Church-Going-City-Senior types. Which is completely fine. They’re mostly nice people who tick me off I don’t mind having around, but hall they talk about is who’s Whats-His-Face’s-Son’s-Name, and how all their friends can come over at any time because I’m going to solve all their tech problems for them.

The thing is, they’re all just petty little people living their petty little lives, pretending that everything’s always fine and dandy all the time. And here I’m sitting here like “hey guy’s so I’m kinda trying to deal with my rape trauma and major depression with a side order of suicidal thoughts and you’re trying to tell me about all the trees you’ve planted around town like I actually give a shit.”

But here I’m talking about the other side of Naksup – the rebellious side. I guess. If you can really call getting drunk with friends at pubs rebellious.

Continue reading Don’t Tell My Grandparents

Can We Just Take a Moment

To Appreciate Something That Happened to Me Today?

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So I’m walking home. I’ve been out in town for a solid hour and a half or something, running about doing errands of some sort or another. Since starting my new job, it’s my first day off, so I’m trying to get a few things done that I need to take care of. Moving to a new place is a lot of work.

Anyways, so here I am, heading back home. I’ve got a stack of six very heavy books in my hands, and I’m starting to feel really sick. At this point, I’d be surprised if I didn’t puke on my way. My guess is that I’m majorly dehydrated – a mixture of all the smoke in the air and the heat- and I really wasn’t looking forward to that walk.

I’m taking it slow when this guy pulls up in his van right next to me. You know the type – tinted windows and that jazz. Forget the fact that his vehicle said “Fire Safety and Rescue Services” on the side. I hadn’t noticed that yet.

Continue reading Can We Just Take a Moment