Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

Next On The Topic Of Spending Thinking About Peter Pan Quotes….

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I’ve always wanted to believe in magic. In the fairy tales, the happy endings – the idea that dreams really do come true. I wanted to believe that fairies exist, miracles happen, romantic comedies aren’t too far off from real life, and dragons can actually be defeated by a single knight with a sword and shield.

Wanted to believe so strongly, in fact, that I made it my goal, my life mission statement, if you will. It was my intention to bring magic back into the lives of people. I wanted them to be able to look at me and see freedom, see a kind of joy they stopped having faith in when they grew up, and know that it exists. I wanted to follow Peter Pan’s example – to never grow up, not fully, and embrace wonderment like a child. To be like one of the Lost Boys in Hook, teaching Robin Williams how to play and have fun and to break out of the corporate prison he threw himself into. I wanted to live life like a song, to be passionate and daring and full of curiosity, because I knew that magic and goodness existed, and I had completely dedicated myself to be apart of it.

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On The Topic Of Getting Older

Being An Adult Is Not What I Thought It Would Be.

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A few years ago, I went to England all alone. Thought it would be a good experience, and I had to wait a year before I could attend college at the same time as my friend. Or so went the plan. I was eighteen, fresh out of high school, and a rather inexperienced and naive kid. Needless to say, I learned a lot about the world, myself, and navigating society as a successful adult. It was pretty cool.

Moving here – without any backup, parents, friends, or otherwise – has taught me a whole heck of a lot more. While you may not agree with all these things, I decided to write about what it means to be an adult.

Or something.

Continue reading On The Topic Of Getting Older

Got The Best Of Intentions

But It Fell Flat. 

I’m not naive enough to think that my tiny little blog here is going to change the entirety of the human race. However, things need to start somewhere. And I thought, if one person starts talking, if just one person comes to embrace who they are, share their life openly without any of the messiness kept hidden, what would happen? Would other people be inspired? Would someone start to feel comfortable and okay with themselves? Could even just one person find comfort in the fact that they’re not alone, and that their struggles can be beautiful?

That’s the point. That’s always been the point. For this blog, I mean.

I’ve stated it lots before. So much, in fact, that I’m sure you’re all sick of hearing it. I’m a really messy person. Convinced I’m going crazy the majority of the time, and as for the rest of it, I’m probably too distracted to care. I’m lonely, can barely figure out what’s what, and the amount of help and support I’ve had in, well, anything really, is next to nothing. Awesome.

So the point, of course, is to maybe reach out there and let other people know that there’s something else out there besides the alienation and whatever else that a great lot of us feel on a daily basis. Maybe in the process of figuring myself out, finding my own magic, and (hopefully) coming to believe that life is actually worth while, maybe someone else can benefit from it.

Awesome.

Only not so much.

The internet’s an interesting place, and I don’t always think about things. I have trouble seeing anything that’s not right in front of my face, to be honest. It’s so bad, that I literally have to remind myself on a daily basis to talk to people and be friendly, or I just won’t. It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t want to be, but I can only seem to keep so many thoughts in my head at one time. Maybe my mom was right about that ADHD thing after all. I dunno.

It’s come to my attention that I’ve deviated from the whole bloody point of this entire thing. I missed the mark, went too far, overstepped, and that’s not okay. For someone who tries so ridiculously hard, sometimes too much so, to be of the biggest benefit to others I can be, I kinda made a mess of some things. Again, we’re trying to discover happiness in the world, not ruin it. Not cool.

I want to be okay. I want to be liked and appreciated and supported. Seeing as how I’m starting up my life again from complete scratch, I want to do it right – better than I did before. I don’t want the same stupid rules to apply to my life, I want better than that. And I’m trying, I really am.

But I lose sight of things sometimes. I mess up. I do dumb things without thinking it through, and sometimes the implications of those things are bigger than I really would’ve thought they’d be. As clever of a person as I like to think I am, I’m not always. I get trapped in myself, torn between different extremes without knowing how to balance them out, and shit happens.

Shit’s been happening a lot recently, and I’m sorry for that. It’s not fair, it’s not cool, and it’s not right. I can’t be roping other people into things, bringing things into this that aren’t mine to bring, and I fully understand how trashy of a thing that is to do.

I guess I thought that it wouldn’t make a difference – wouldn’t matter. Small blog that no one really reads, so what’s the point? Besides, the amount of people I actually know who read this are a huge whopping three, so whatever. I’m not saying anything bad – at least I didn’t think I was – and as long as I only spoke about my life and no one else’s, it was all good. Or maybe I just didn’t think. I don’t know. Seems I’m pretty good at not thinking sometimes. Guess the internet kinda seems vast and anonymous until it’s not.

I get that.

So, what more can I do than apologize and fix things in the best way that I know how? If I ever said anything offensive, upsetting, or whatever else – which wasn’t my intention at all – I’m sorry. It’s gone, dealt with, sifted through and abandoned with the reassurance that everything was seen by approximately eleven people. I keep track.

So, I screwed up. Don’t even think I know how much I screwed up. And again, there’s nothing I can do about the repercussions of anything besides asking for forgiveness and sincerely promising to write nothing besides me. I’m sorry for not thinking, for not considering the implications of anything, and for doing what I did. I have every intention of doing what I can to make things as fixed as they can be.

I only hope things will be okay.

Week(ish) In Photos

Because I thought it would be fun.

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Ever wanted a glimpse into my life? No? Well, you’re about to get one.

I thought a fun sort of project for the week would be to take photos of some of the places and things that make me happy – kind of like a reminder to myself that there are still lots of beautiful things left in the world. It helps put things into perspective, I guess, and it’s kind of interesting looking back and seeing what you think is important and what isn’t.

Anyways, you get the idea.

Continue reading Week(ish) In Photos

Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all

Well, if you’re in Canada, that is. Which I am. Obviously. Sorry, all you Americans. Too slow to the game, suckers. 

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Anyways.

I remember New Years so well. Boyfriend came up to my room drunk at 3AM and handed me a lemon, I drank by myself and watched trashy films or something, and that was that. Well, sorta. I remember thinking to myself – I guess I had this feeling – that 2017 was going to be huge for me. My life would take off, things would be different, and it would be happy, something of which I hadn’t seen in somewhere around two years.

I’m not there yet. In all honestly, this year has been shit. I was right about everything changing and being completely different from before, but happy? I’m not sure I’ve quite reached that, although I’m a lot closer to it than I was a few months ago. In the very least I can say that I’m beginning to believe that the world still does possess some good after all, because I had been pretty damn convinced that it didn’t.

However, it’s Thanksgiving – the one time of the year where we all sit around and take time to be thankful for what we have. Or something. Honestly, it’s mostly just shitty family dinners, mashed potatoes, and another weekend to work retail. After all, shouldn’t we be thankful about the happinesses in our lives all the time? Seeing as it is the long weekend, though, I thought I may as well take the opportunity to reflect on some of the more delightful aspects of my life.

This year, I’m thankful for…

Continue reading Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all