This Blog Starts at the End

Oh endings, don’t we just love them? A chapter coming to a close, moving on with your life, heading down a different path, and all that other sentimental trash? When one door closes another one opens, and blah blah blah.

Let’s cut the junk here. Unless you’re talking about the season finale to a show like Say Yes to the Dress, endings suck. They do. We find stability in things like relationships, jobs, houses, or even TV series. They offer us a constant in our otherwise chaotic and uncontrollable lives. Maybe you don’t know if the world will survive another day without aliens coming down and killing all forms of life, but at least you know Desperate Housewives should be on at 7pm on Tuesday evenings.

To be honest, I have no idea when Desperate Housewives is on.

Like the title says, this blog begins at an end for me. Since getting out of high school three years ago, I’ve had one thing to cling to, one sense of stability in my otherwise unclear life, and that would be the job I somehow managed to get just before I graduated. I started at the bottom and made it all the way to assistant manager, and now it’s done.

Don’t get me wrong, I both loved the job and am excited to see what new opportunities come my way, but it’s terrifying. Yes, I can go back to school full time to pursue a career in life coaching. I can finally turn into the house wife I’ve wanted to be but had no time for, I can spend time hanging out with the people important to me, and pursue my own passions. But in no way does that mean that I’m not scared out of my mind.

Listen, the job was a great one. I went to work and served tea to people all day. I joked around with my coworkers and made friends. It was awesome, and it was exactly what I needed in a time where I had absolutely no clue what direction I wanted my life to go in. I don’t regret any of it for a second. But the job was a crutch, a distraction, something preventing me from stepping off a cliff and figuring out the kind of life I wanted for myself. Yes, I knew I didn’t want to work in retail my whole life, but did I know what that meant? No.

It wasn’t until I took a step back from everything that I realized what I wanted.

Then again, I had to go to several counselling appointments until I worked up the courage to pursue that, but that’s not the point.

The point is, is that life gets busy. We get caught up in our jobs and our lives – all the things that we think bring us stability, that we don’t realize we’re losing a part of ourselves. Suddenly years have gone by, and we’re no closer to where we want to be. On the contrary, we’re slipping further and further away every day, becoming slaves to the things that we think we need in order to keep us safe and secure. We get caught up in the distractions instead of what’s important – get stuck on side quests instead of the main mission. 

But the story can’t continue on and progress if you’re stuck, if you let life pile up around you until the only thing you can focus on is going to work and doing your chores. Life is far more than just distractions or false senses of security – it’s being able to truly live. Whatever that looks like for you.

So yeah, endings suck. Moving on to something new is terrifying. I would never lie to you and say it’s not. But as the cliche goes, at every ending there is a beginning, and more often than not, endings are vital to moving forward. It’s like when those farmers cut the end of the branches so new ones can grow in their place – if the cutting didn’t happen, if there wasn’t an end to something, nothing new would be able to flourish.

Am I really happy that I quit my job? No. In a lot of ways I’m quite sad about it. But I’m excited to move forward in all the new things I have coming my way – things I never would have been able to do had I not taken that first step and let one of my distractions end. So as I stated before, this blog does begin right at a finish line, but – just as every chapter has to end before another can begin – the story isn’t finished yet. Rather, it’s just getting started.

 

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