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Let me ask you guys a question – why would I do this?

Why would I share things about my life on the internet to complete strangers? Why would I expect anyone to care? What’s the point of me starting up something like this in a world where billions of blogs exist and very few people actually get noticed?

And, above all else, why do I think that I can actually make a difference, create a good life for myself, and help others do the same? After all, I’m just another person in the midst of billions. There ain’t nothing much special about me, that’s for sure.

Let me tell you a bit about myself here.

It’s one thing to read my posts, but it’s another altogether to know me in person. Outwardly, I’m rather loud. I talk a lot, I do a lot of things that most people would have too much shame to do, and I’m rather blunt. I’m polite, I have a heck ton of friends, and I get complimented on a daily basis. I can’t see anyone without them either telling me how cute I am, how funny I am, or how proud they are of me because I’m super inspiring and blah blah blah. Basically, I’m charming, someone everyone really likes, and a person that people either want to be with, or strive to be like.

Awesome – and please keep in mind that my intention isn’t to talk myself up or make myself into something I’m not. I’m not bragging. Not at all.

Because on the inside, I’m a freaking mess.

My guess is that you are too.

I work far too hard to try to meet everyone’s expectations of me. I always have to be fun, always have to be happy, always have to be in a good mood – just to lift up the spirits of others. Always have to be polite, never have any weaknesses – look cute no matter what’s been going on. I try to be everything to everyone, to be as perfect on the inside as I apparently am on the outside.

And you know what that’s done to me? Complete burnout. I’ve lost count of all the times I’ve lost who I am in the midst of all the identities I’ve had to create for myself just to keep the people around me happy. I’ve let myself be turned into a doll and a toy to be taken advantage of and abused, and I live my life in such fear of being alone and abandoned that I’ve continue on the cycle on countless occasions.

I’ve hated myself, and I’m at constant odds with the person I know I am and how I’m behaving. It’s beyond frustrating.

So yeah, I look good on the outside. I’m fun to be around and whatever else, but I’m still a mess. I’m just in the beginning of learning how to reclaim myself from past tragedies and mistakes. And that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that.

In fact, I’m no different from anyone else in that regard.

I’m no different than you.

So I started thinking – what if we all stopped pretending that we were anything but screwed up, and came to love the parts of us that were a little less put together? What if we, as human beings, could come together to be honest about our hurts and failings, to discuss our struggles and weaknesses openly? What kind of world would that be?

People wouldn’t be ashamed of their problems anymore. They wouldn’t feel the need to pretend so much. We could just live and support each other through our struggles, eradicate a lot of unnecessary loneliness we feel because we don’t think there’s anyone out there struggling like us. We could stop comparing ourselves to the people we think have it all together, and we could stop hating ourselves because of the difficulties we face.

I’m not naive enough to think that my tiny little blog here is going to change the entirety of the human race.

However, things need to start somewhere. And I thought, if one person starts talking, if just one person comes to embrace who they are, share their life openly without any of the messiness kept hidden, what would happen? Would other people be inspired? Would someone start to feel comfortable and okay with themselves? Could even just one person find comfort in the fact that they’re not alone, and that their struggles can be beautiful?

My life is far from interesting. As special as I like to think I am, I’m really quite average. The same as everyone else, I’m trying to figure out who I am and where that person fits into this big world I was thrust into. The things that I go through and the lessons I learn really aren’t all that exceptional.

However, if I can take the risk and open myself up, holding nothing back, letting my own fears go and just embrace who I am with an almost embarrassing sense of honesty, maybe, just maybe, other people will start to feel safe to do the same. And then those people impact and inspire others, and on and on until the world is a place where we don’t feel the need to pretend and keep our real selves hidden away.

It’s an impossible dream, yes, but nothing’s going to happen if no one tries, right? And who knows, maybe I’ll actually have an impact.

So this is me, messes and all, doing my best to inspire you. To show you that who you are is okay, and that your struggles don’t define you in anyway whatsoever. That life can be beautiful and victories do happen, and you’re never alone in anything. That someone else – some stranger on the other side of the world – cares about you, and wants you to be able to love and accept yourself just as she’s learning to. That we’re all in this together, and you never have to go through your journey by yourself.

So, with all that being said, let’s stand as one and face this world together, yeah?

 

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2 Comments

  1. This blog post is amazing, you’ve cracked the whole issue of not being perfect: nobody is! Now all we need to do is make that shit acceptable…

    1. Thanks! Glad you enjoyed reading it. But I know right? We’re too caught up in trying to be perfect all the time that no one recognizes that the real beauty comes in the messes. Ah well. One person at a time, right?

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